dear baby....

It's mother's day today, and there you are, bubbling and booting about in my belly.

I'm using you as an excuse to dedicate myself to a photo a day here on, whatever the subject may be of, to try to record my thoughts & wishes for you, and reflect on who I am before my new job in life is to simply be your mum.

Apparently - you'll be here in about 61 days - that seems a long way off if you think of the numbers...sixty-one days...but I can say for a fact it doesn't feel that long in terms of time.

I spent some time today thinking about being 19 for some reason, a good year for me, very free and easy, surrounded by loud music and louder friends, and the age I was the first time I got drunk! At 19 I didn't give a lot of thought to when or if I'd be a mum - my concerns were more about getting into the darkroom at college, how many nights of the week I could go out and dance myself into a sweaty mess, probably stressing about some bloke or other I was into at the time, and creating compilation tapes to listen to on my Sony Walkman on my journey into uni. (Remember to ask me about cassettes one day - truly show my age!)

I also reflected on the last 12 months. This time last year I was already pregnant which is hard to consider after the awful loss of the baby your Dad & I went through back in May. But some things aren't meant to be, and if it hadn't happened then you wouldn't be kicking me in the ribs right now. So, sad as it was to imagine for a moment I could have been celebrating my first Mother's Day today as a fully fledged mum, I'm happy to wait another year to share it with you.

Stay safe baby. Thanks for making me ache inside both literally and emotionally. The next series of blips are for you, from me. Your mum.