Looking to the future

It's been a real day of contrasts and emotions. I try not to use Blip to record my feelings but I will today as it's been an important day for me. Firstly I should say that I have my brother's full backing to write this and I think both of us hope that it might help someone in a similar position.

My brother served in the Royal Engineers for four years and was on tour in Kosovo in 1999-2000. When he left the army he was diagnosed as suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD is an anxiety disorder caused by a reaction to a deeply shocking, stressful or disturbing experience. I was at University when Mike came home so I saw the first stages at a distance. Over the last twelve years, he has been dealing with the symptoms which have had a significant effect on his life. He has been extremely brave throughout it all but as with any mental illness it has affected not only Mike but all of us as a family. I have always been slightly removed from the situation as I don't live at home so had tried to deal with things by putting on a brave face and tucking my feelings away. At Christmas, something changed and I realised that the situation had affected me far more than I thought and that I needed to do something to deal with it.

I took the first step on that journey today as I attended the annual Siblings Connect conference organised by Rethink. I was really unsure about going as I'd had a tiring week at work and didn't know what to expect. When I first arrived into a huge room at the Russell Hotel filled with other siblings in a similar situation I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I tried to pull myself together and settled into the first talks. They were all very personal experiences of mental health and the impact on siblings in many different ways. I sat there holding back the tears and listened to the speakers who had all experienced the same feelings I have had over the years. We then broke into different workshops and I went to a talking session and one on planning for the future. It was like a light bulb moment for me as I heard more brothers and sisters talking though their experiences. I met a girl called Sarah and we chatted over lunch as I was able to talk to her about things I'd never shared with anyone. The day was a true revelation and I'm so glad I went and I really can't thank to team enough for putting on this brilliant event. I'm so proud of my brother and everything he has achieved over the years and I now have a difference perspective on our relationship.

I was quite drained when I got home but it was my dear friend Laura's birthday drinks this evening. Matt was suffering from a bad cold so after a quick change, I was heading to London Bridge to meet the gang for drinks. We then moved on to a club and I knew we would end up dancing the night away as Laura and I have always shared a love for dance. It was just the night I needed to let go of the day and go a bit crazy. I never post pictures of me but I didn't have any other suitable shots tonight so this is me and Laura.


London Groove at The Refinery, London