There was that song by Tiffany...

These are my Easter flowers. They were beginning to deposit their lovely petals upon my floor, and as I am hoping to avoid acknowledging (to them at least) that the floors need to be maintained until Saturday, I decided it was time for the flowers to go. And so here they rest. As I took this photo I kept hearing that song by Tiffany, "The flowers you gave me are just about to die..." In German they call that weinerlich - that was my word for the day yesterday (it means lachrymose.)

Right now I am sitting on my patio with a couple of books by Piper, Tozer, and me (my journal.) I have to mention that my balcony gets morning sun, so I decided to do this in my bathing suit as I prepare for sunny Beirut.

Also, just so you know I eat a soft boiled egg every morning. I need to admit I actually do not eat the egg... I eat the yolk. Just the yolk. I peel the top off, scrape out as much of the white as possible, eat the yolk and then I like when the stuff I've pulled out fits neatly back into the hole where the yolk used to be. Weird, I know... And now you know.

I am listening to Falling Slowly, from The Swell Season (or the movie Once) today. I watched Slumdog Millionaire for the second time in the theatre last night. I cried a bit more this time because I knew what was coming. It also made me more determined than ever to get to the Home for the Dying in Calcutta next fall. I have to say though, as one who lives off of donated funds, now is not the time to try to raise money... That's another story.

There's a line in this song that says, "You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it's time that you won." I feel that way today. I am ready to win. The internal war today is; Is this time of my life difficult because I have allowed it to be or made it more so than necessary, OR, is this just a difficult time of life and that's just life.

Sometimes I find that my faith complicates those questions for me. God being good, and loving is also forgiving... He gives me exponential Grace, but do I abuse that grace or am I too hard on myself. If the God who created me is not angry with me, should I be? My brain is too little for these questions, but today I feel the line of that song reach deep into my heart and pull up a muted cry for mercy.

In light of that, I think you all should know that I am currently drinking out of a coffee cup that I recently told txlife about... TEXAS "you may all die and go to hell and I will go to Texas" Davey Crockett. I am a walking paradox, or what?