Pussy willow

Another sign that winter is making haste now and Spring is nearly here! These furry little capsules act as insulation to protect early bloomers from the cold. And it still is cold. (Backblip to yesterday)

It's also busy. Shops were very crowded today when I went to do the weekly shop. I guess it's because it's Mother's Day tomorrow.

So we started the week with International Women's Day and we conclude it with Mother's Day. However, in between we have the tragic reminder of what it means to be a woman or girl in this world with the murder of a Durham graduate in London. She was just walking home.

*Trigger warning*
I haven't really wanted to speak about my work here on Blip but, 4 days a week, I work for a well known and established national charity that specialises in supporting women and girls who have been subject to sexual violence and abuse. In some of our locations we also work with male survivors. Since I started working there (10 years ago), our waiting lists continue to grow and grow and the rate of referrals just keeps on increasing, no matter how quickly and efficiently we start working with each individual who reaches out to access our service. I am sad and tired and angry. In that time, societal messages and myths don't seem to have budged! Victim-blaming /putting the onus on the victims is still rife whilst perpetrators are rarely held accountable.

Embedded into every woman's psyche are all the false beliefs of how we should act and behave to stay safe! We live our lives risk assessing! "Don't go out after dark alone/ call me when you're home/ carry something as protection (an alarm, keys, a spray!) /Don't 'ask for it' in how you dress/ don't drink too much/ walk in lit streets where other people are present... & so it goes on). When perpetrators rape, assault or kill, there is usually an immediate response of "what was she wearing" "well, she was drinking!" "She was out on her own!" etc etc etc. The narrative we never hear is: a perpetrator chose to do this, the responsibility is FULLY the perpetrator's ...and there was nothing s/he could have done to prevent this.

Because that's the thing, it is NEVER the victim's fault and we are kidding ourselves if we think that by wrapping ourselves up in safety measures -.a bit like the catkin image - we will end sexual violence against girls/ women (and men). It hasn't worked to date!!!
The only way to end it, is for perpetrators to stop! Bystanders can play a hugely important role too in calling things out and taking action where appropriate.

The extra turns all the common myths on their head and says it how it really is!

Thanks for reading, if you have.