29 degrees but still...

In a few months time I'll be glad of my new woollen hat. Not so much today in 29 degrees. ;-)

With short hair I can never have too many hats of any kind - sun protection and warmth. This one is hand knitted from wool grown in the Maniototo, Otago.

I haven't felt able to mention the 10 year anniversary of the Christchurch earthquake until today. So many lives lost that shouldn't have been. Despite the Royal Commission there is no accountability. 30 errors in the CTV building but no one is responsible. The PCG building, formerly built by and home to the Christchurch Drainage Board, who knew they were building over an underground stream.

No questions, no responsibility. Yes, I still feel sorrow and anger. I miss my friend who was in day 7 of his first job as a journalist for CTV. I wonder how different lives would have been if he'd lived.

Some people remain locked in insurance battles and live in damaged homes. I've been able to move on and make the decision to sell and move outside of the city. I'll always be grateful for that.

I'm grateful too that when it happened I was visiting family in Mt Maunganui. I was loved and cared for by my cousins, uncle, and his wife. I had no idea what my home was like or if friends and extended family were ok. As it turned out, one was never made it home.

My job at the university was secure and once I knew that I couldn't go home, I got to visit my parents for a couple of weeks. That time with them and other members of my family I'll always cherish. They along with friends comforted, loved, and nourished me.

My sister in law returned to Christchurch with me, to help me to pick up the pieces (literally) and figure out how to deal with stuff like toilets and water. Despite all that we had some fun.

Some of the emerging Christchurch is terrific. I love the Margaret Mahy playground. What an amazing place for kids and adults, and it's free. The Riverside Markets are sensational and the restoration along the Avon River is beautiful. The Arts Centre is a clever blend of old and new, though I never feel fully comfortable with all that old stone.

But I feel largely disconnected from the city and disturbed by the surprising number of wrecked buildings that remain. I'm glad that there are more cycle lanes but largely a 20th century city has/is being delivered for the 21st century.

Oddly I feel more connected to Canterbury even though my connection to Christchurch has lessened. The people are amazing, the landscape defines us more than we knew with the rugged coastline, braided rivers, rolling plains, and mountains that demand respect. And of course what lies hidden beneath the surface.

Not long before the Christchurch earthquake Haiti suffered a 7.0 earthquake. I've often thought that if I was a single middle aged woman there, my life post quake would be very different.

I'm learning to hold and integrate the multiple realities of surviving a natural disaster.

Today's gratitude: For a good day.