Last.

Listening to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis again. Losing my mind, again. Losing my love, again.

This is me. Sometimes I wonder, if maybe one day, I won't have to edit out my flaws, maybe one day i'll be too dead, to press the keys. To change my skin, change my smile. I wish I could photoshop my mind, change the broken bits, the blurs and patches of destroyed tissue, erased with the patch tool, or the spot healing tool. Rubbing away what I hate about myself, but I can't, no one can.

I really think this is it for me, I have lost all faith, I had a nice week at Beccas, but I think I did something. Something wrong. Like I always do. I am always lost in my head, and I wish for her sake I could snap my way out of it, but I can't, I've been hunting for so long now, that I have lost myself in the mass of darkness and consumption that is killing me.

I want to buy some Cannabis seeds, and write a note.

'Keep it alive for me, whilst I can't be' and leave it for her.

I don't want to just leave, without a word. But I feel my end is near, and although I'm running from it, I am I really am, I promise you all I am running, hiding, and waiting till it passes, but I can see it, something is coming. something that I can't change. I could be gone in a matter of weeks, and that scares me.

I am sitting on my unmade bed listening to Bombom by Macklemore. You should all listen to it, it is a little magical.

Even my cat doesn't want me anymore, I can feel it. Companions from all walks of life, dying away, rotting their way out of my life, to escape my plaguing misery. Help me.