Breaking the ice....

Apparently, I have one of those faces that invites people to tell me every single detail of their lives....... even though my brain is saying shut the feck up and go away.

Last week, I politely asked a customer (very rich, face like an unhappy hippo) how Christmas had been, and he told me in great detail, how he'd managed to mislay his Viagra tablets on Christmas Eve, which led to his girlfriend 'not having the Christmas she'd wanted'! (I've seen his miserable girlfriend bulk-buying vodka in Oddbins - I suspect she'd flushed his tablets down the loo, and got exactly the Christmas she wanted...)

Someone else told me that she and the ex were exchanging legal letters, because the ex had not only demanded £150,000 and a house, but (and this was clearly the bit that had pushed her right over the edge) he had deliberately fed the children sprouts in butter, when 'everyone knows they're vegan!' This conversation went on for about 20 minutes. Every time I tried to edge away, she'd say 'mustn't hold you back' and then launch into another rant. She even offered to bring the letters in for my perusal (presumably the opinion of a complete stranger with an in-depth knowledge of shampoo and spot cream, will help her case no end.....)

Later, I asked one of my colleagues why they hadn't rescued me by creating a small diversion (eg, setting fire to the dispensary) and she said 'but you looked so interested; we thought you were enjoying yourself.'

If you need me, I'm lying down in a darkened room...... with my face completely covered.