Say Your Name, Chubby Bunny

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

Joshua arrived yesterday and as Macca's son Jackson has discovered he loves all things military, we put on GI Jane - one of Caro's very favourite films - and had an evening of pizza and GUNS. 

Joshua was supposed to be staying with Tiger and Loulou at their little cottage, but Loulou has been very sick lately. She had a fibroid the size of a rugby ball removed just last week. She is understandably still very fragile, so we offered Joshua to stay with us instead to give her a bit of space.

We were all a bit worried about Loulou. She is just lovely and loves Xmas. We didn't want her to miss out. 

Nevertheless, Xmas morning is all about getting up, divvying out the STASH and opening things in a group. Everyone seemed VERY happy with what they got. Macca's daughter Talia was so delighted with Caro's choices (even after she opened them I still had no idea what they all were or what they are for or what they do). There were actual tears of joy.

The two stockings in the picture are of Macca's Xmas Stockings for her kids. They've had them since they were little, and now they are teens she keeps saying she's not going to do it anymore.

"This is definitely the last year," she said.

"You say that EVERY year," her kids said. The clearly LOVE opening the stocking, filled with lots of cute little things.

They are such great kids. I really like having them around. 

I was also very spoilt, with books and clothes and a flash new wallet, and of course the M&S care package from the Princess. Now I need you to know that I love all my Kiwi friends, but if they so much as LOOK at our Extra Chocolatey Biscuits, blood will be spilled. 

Then we prepared for big Xmas lunch. Caro did a big platter of cheeses and meats with hummus and bread sticks. I put The Big Chicken in the oven and...

TIGER AND LOULOU ARRIVED! CHRISTMAS IS SAVED! YAAAAAY!!

Loulou was very tender. We found this out when she dropped something and made a semi-attempt to pick it up.

"No," she announced, "If anything is on the floor, I'm f*cked."

Tiger brought his barbecue with him and did a big salmon, I whipped up a salad, and Joshua had made potato salad. He also opened our big umbrella and Caro made the outside table all lovely.

I should add that it has been PISHING with rain since Monday - but today was BEAUTIFUL! It was a Christmas miracle! Everyone was in great spirits and Loulou seemed to perk right up. 

After the meal, we talked about games we could play. Macca had brought "Cards Against Humanity" and Loulou had brought, "Shit Happens". 

"I'VE got a game!" I said, remembering something The Princess had blipped about. "Has anyone heard of... Chubby Bunny?"

I produced a big bag of marshmallows and hilarity ensued. It was RIDICULOUS. A bunch of (mostly) grown ups pissing themselves THPRYING THO THAY "THHHHUBBBY VUNNNNY".

Jackson couldn't spit it out. 

"THAY YOUR MAME, BITTHHH!" said Tiger, his mouth full of marshmallows. 

I thought Caro was going to poo herself laughing at this.

(Later on, Tiger admitted that he forgot he was talking to a 13 year old).

Then we played "Shit Happens". It's basically a game where you get dealt cards with horrible situations on them, anything from "Flight Delayed Then Cancelled" to "Cocktails With Bill Cosby". You then get assigned ANOTHER new card every round and you have to guess whether it is better or worse than the cards you already have. If you guess correctly, you keep the card and the first one to ten cards wins.

Which led to the following interchange:

CARO: Tiger - your next card is... "You hear your parents having sex".
TIGER: Hmmmmm.... I don't know. That's definitely worse than stepping in dog poo (another of his cards) but I'm not sure if it is as bad as being caught masturbating by your children. 

(PAUSE)

TIGER: Macca? What are your views on this?

He said this in front of Macca's two children. That man has no shame. There were HOWLS of laughter round the table. He's a terrible, terrible man. 

Actually, he needn't have worried. They clearly came pre-traumatised. Talia acquitted herself ALL TOO WELL at "Cards Against Humanity". But Loulou had to excuse herself for a recovery nap with Jasper.

In the interim, Joshua regaled us with the time he drank himself into hospital. We needed details. 

Apparently, as a teen, he was to MC an event which was a bit out of his comfort zone, so he started on vodka and orange about an hour before to calm his nerves. He drank one and felt a lot more confident. Two will make it even better, he thought. And THREE, well, I'll be amazing...

One bottle of vodka later, and the spewing started. He tried to get on the bus, but as the bus pulled up he projectile vomited, and the bus driver told him to eff off. 

Desperate to get to the event, he begged some mates for a lift. They put him in the back seat and he immediately spewed on the other passengers. 

Long story short, they threw him in the boot, where he spewed all the way to the hospital.

"And you're not a small man," marvelled Tiger.

Apparently he remembers nothing else from the evening, although he does remember the doctor saying there was no need for a stomach pump because Joshua had already done that himself.

Joshua then left us for the 2nd half of Xmas day with his folks, but in time for Loulou to emerge from her nap saying, "I was having the strangest dream about Joshua being abducted in the boot of someone's car...."

She didn't last much longer after that, but I was so grateful she came out. We had a lovely day with them.

The day then took a typically Xmas dramatic downturn when Jackson and Talia's dad called. As family relationships tend to be at Xmas, it was a bit fraught and it brought all three of them down. 

So I brought out the whisky, which I shared with Macca. For the kids, we put on a show called, "SAS Australia" about Australian celebrities going to SAS boot camp. They loved it, and I made popcorn and we watched together like a family. I think everyone was happy again by bedtime. 

I hope so. 

As for me, I went to bed happy. It was a very full, very tiring day. All the same, it took me ages to get to sleep with all the events of the day running through my head. 

I still can't believe he said that. 

Right in front of her kids. 

What a terrible man! 

I just love him.

Merry Xmas Everyone.

S.