Hi.

I figured I should do some close ups so you can have a real look at me. I look young here but it was taken today so that's not ideal considering i'm 18.

My friends are coming round to smoke some bud soon, it's just what I need because I feel a bit shitty. Good news though, Bex has a job interview, if she gets it she'll be earning 18-20,000 a year so that's enough to live on for us two in a flat, i'm looking for part time work, outside of college hours, and i'm printing my homefinder forms off so we can fill them in and get moving. I'm so scared but excited to get away from here, i'm going to miss my furry lovely little girl so much, she's my baby, I adore my little cat and it's going to break me not seeing her every day. But i'll be home regularly to see her I know that.

I'll miss my mum and dad, i'll miss them so much and I know I am being daft because like, i can still see them, i'll just miss them so much, it's weird, I didn't think I would, but I will, I know that.

How upsetting.

Bethan comes home from skiing today/night I think, i'll text her later maybe, i'm not sure if she wants to talk to me anyway, she has her own life and i'm not a priority anymore, so fuck that. Though to be honest, wasn't a priority anyway? aha.

When I get a job i'm going to refill my life savings, as it's running dry at the minute, and i'm going to save up to take Bex to Paris. She's never been and she needs to see it, it's my favourite place in the world. I am old enough now to compress the fear of leaving my country, and I just want to get underground tubes to random places across paris, and skip down the Champs Elysée. I adore it all, unf, the ornate fences, the shuttered windows, the carved paving stones, the homeless drunks on the benches, the markets covered in rasta pipes, bongs, and jewelry, colourful body jewelry and wooden ear plugs. Perfect, and lots of forceful men who wrap string around your wrists and start weaving beautiful bracelets and you can't stop them, and even though you didn't initially want to buy it off them, by the time they've finished you can't help but buy it.

I need a bit of Paris really. Bethan's never been either. I used to say i'd take her, but I don't think there's any point even saying it anymore, i'm not going to, because it'd be her, looking for girls, or guys, in bars, and me watching her scout about, wanting to take photos of everything and just dance to folk music and go up the Eiffel tower with her and take photos of us two messing about running around, but again, she'd be half hearted, wishing for better things, and drugs.

Good day my darlings, remember to check out my boyo's blip - Blipfoto.com/Jammydodger