Organised Fun

Part 1

I don’t know about you, but nothing strikes fear into my heart or fills me with a greater sense of dread than the concept of “Organised Fun”.

The harbinger of “Organised Fun” is easy to identify, because most of their sentences will start with something along the lines of: “Hey guys, why don’t we…?” I haven’t completed the remainder of the sentence, because I have never stuck around long enough to hear it.

However, this year being as it has been, I have decided to de-Grinch, to engage with the festive hijinks and so have entered the ‘Let’s Get Lyrical’ competition which involves the re-writing of words to popular Christmas songs. I went for an altered rendition of Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! (it’s not my finest work) tailored around our old office including the perennially blocked toilets and the fact that I don’t know who anyone is. I also entered the Advent Calendar thing and won £5, which I offered to donate to our chosen charity; Mind, but was told I couldn’t as the gift cards had already been purchased. It was then sent to me by recorded delivery, which probably cost more than the frickin’ card.

Finally, I wore a travesty of a Christmas jumper and sent this photo of me into the powers that be. Wrap me in tinsel, stick a star on my head and call me Captain Christmas!

Part 2 (see extra)

Life is nothing without balance and so these festive frolics were tempered by a call from a livid Ex-Wife 2 (EW2) stating the school were sending both wee ones home as m’boy has a bit of a cough and a runny nose – it’s mid-December, show me a school child who doesn’t have a bit of a cough and a runny nose – and The Youngest lives with him, so she’s a risk too. The kicker being that no return to school is allowed until such time as they have received a negative Covid test. So, like Scrooge awakening anew on Christmas morning, I bought a shed load of food, booked us all a test and shouted to my carriers children: “Hey guys, why don’t we…?”

The staff manning our local walk-through centre were fantastic. They could see the children were a bit nervous and chatted away to them about Christmas and joked about how the swab should go in the mouth first before going up the nose. We quickly discovered that m’boy and I have a strong gag reflex whilst The Youngest does not, the little show off. We got through it all and I was pleased to be admired for my logistics work as I dealt in turn with upset or dry-heaving children, vials, about a million squirts of hand cleanser and barcode synergy.

Naturally, we are keeping our fingers crossed for a prompt turnaround of confirmation that all m’boy has is a bit of a cold.

‘Tis the season to be jolly!