Snuffleduck!

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

I was happy today. It was a nice day. 

It started out pretty grim out there. So grim, that when Punky woke me up at 5.15am to be let outside, he quickly backed away from the door when I opened it. 

"Yuck," he said. And went back to his bed. 

I had a meeting with Project Manager 2 today. I am working on two projects by the way. The first is to do with upgrading an Oracle database and is therefore sort of dull.

The second one is called "Collaboration Space Technology" and I thought it sounded bloody awful. But the Project Manager, who I shall call Saffy, was FULL OF BEANS and ENTHUSIASM!

"I'm SO excited!" she told me. 

Now this project is to do with rolling out Microsoft Surface Hubs to all our meeting rooms in all Kainga Ora offices all across the country. 

These hubs are basically like huge tablets that enable virtual meetings because they have cameras and speakers. But you can also do other clever stuff like open files and go to whiteboard mode. 

See? Dull.

But Saffy has a good sense of humour. "We're going into the hang and bang phase," she told me. 

I must have looked confused because she explained.

"Hang and bang is when you physically visit the rooms and ensure you can hang up the hub," she told me. "Because some rooms have three glass walls and a whiteboard. And are therefore not bang-able."

She smirked. She knows VERY WELL that she's being rude, thought I.

Just to be clear, I will not be dealing with the technology rollout, or doing the banging. 

Because, the other half of the project is to do with rationalising all the meeting room names, which are all over the place, duplicated and confusing. 

Saffy has decided that we will name all of them using the Maori words for animals. 

"And to make it REALLY easy, we'll also have a picture in every room, and a Maori legend to go with the word to make it really memorable!" she said.

So that's my job. To find Maori names of animals for 186 rooms, with pictures and a story. 

ISN'T THAT A GREAT JOB!?? 

And actually, Saffy has already started. She was very excitedly taking me through some animal names. Her favourite was "kuruwhengu", which is a type of duck.

Kuruwhengu
It is named because of its long, broad scoop-shaped bill with lamellae – ideal for sieving fine aquatic plants, invertebrates and seeds close to the surface of water or mud. With its bill submerged, the shoveler sieves as it swims – giving rise to the Māori name kuruwhengu, meaning to snuffle.

"Isn't that GORGEOUS?" said Saffy. "Snuffleduck!"

So I'm to come up with this list. Then run it past our Maori advisory board to ensure there's nothing dodgy about the names. 

"You know, to ensure we don't name the room after a bird that symbolises death or something," Saffy explained. "And there's no innuendo animal names. We don't want any cocks or beavers in there."

She told me that there's a hairdresser in Dunedin which used the Maori word for "short hair" as a business name. 

"Unfortunately it also means, 'pubes'," Saffy said. 

You may be wondering why I - a technical business analyst - have been assigned to a job involving no technology at all. In fact, assigned to a job where the most arduous part is ensuring that I don't accidentally include pubes. 

Yeah, I wondered that too. But look, I'm not arguing.

And then the sun came out and the birds sang and Punky ran around and around in the garden.

And I was happy.

S.