faith

I am prideful, stubborn, at times willful, independent to a fault, controlling, impatient, opinionated, and outspoken.

I am also weak, broken, needy, filled with pain, and scared.

I embrace these lists not because I am overly excited about either list, or wish to remain in these pitiful places, but because it's what I'm working with. More importantly it's what God is working with, and I need to accept these traits if I am going to allow God to work on and through me.

Today Fr. Jeff's homily was about lent, specifically what we chose to give up for lent. He reminded us that these 40 days are not a test of our own will power, but a surrendering to God.

I am not a fan of "deliverance testimonies", as speakers tend to insinuate that they no longer struggle...with anything. God is not a genie in a bottle that will magically remove your desire to choke out your coworker, be a drunken mess, or shop/gamble away your life savings. God said "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9; and in the same verse Paul said, "I will boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me." Our weaknesses stay with us throughout our lives and we have the free will to choose them, or choose God.

I will never not be the scars of my past. I will never not be the weaknesses of my present. I am human. This season of lent will test my acceptance of the ongoing battle of my imperfections and willingness to surrender all to God. But I do have faith.