Miserable day

Rain -- from beginning to end and through tomorrow.

But this day is also the anniversary of my brother's suicide. He fought a hard battle against manic depression and lost in the end.  It's been 14 years and it feels like just yesterday. I remember the dreaded middle of the night phone call, the loud buzzing in my ears, the ground that shifted under my feet, and all the contradictory feelings: guilt, anger, sorrow, helplessness. I miss not being able to make memories with him and having that special connection that only exists among siblings. Darn it.  Tu me manques, frangin :(