The poker face

Ottawacker Junior's magnetic appeal for Tui is becoming ridiculous. Not content with sleeping on his bed during the day and on his pillow during the night, she has now taken to running diversionary tactics while we share the art of subtle cheating into the youngster's card-playing technique.

Cards are, you will understand, a last resort. I now refuse to play Risk and Monopoly with him: my fragile ego could not take it any more. At least with cards, I know my ability to cheat surreptitiously far outweighs his nascent skills.