One billion rising - we will not be beaten

I was 35. I was sitting round a restaurant table with about ten colleagues, men and women, all well-educated, civilised people. We were chatting in twos or threes and the man I was talking to mentioned being puzzled by how irrationally frightened women were of walking home in the dark when assault was so rare. I realised that the best possible reply was to tell a story from 26 years earlier, that I had first told only ten years earlier and that only those very close to me knew. I panicked (my heart rate is going up as I write this) but I told him - and by now others were listening - about how I was verbally sexually assaulted as a child and how utterly terrified I had been. He was appalled at my 'very unusual' experience. I said that I would be surprised if every woman around the table didn't have a story like mine - though, of course, that no-one should be expected to tell it. But, in turn, each woman there recounted a similar or worse experience. The men listened in shocked silence.

Women usually share these things amongst ourselves - there is rarely any advantage to us to tell men. Sometimes, if we do, we are told to grow up, get over it, to stop being so sensitive; it was a joke, it was only words; we are told that men get hurt or raped too... Our painful experience is belittled. But, as I discovered, men need to know and if we speak together, we can be listened to, we might change minds. Which is one reason why, this evening in Auckland, I responded to this call to dance at one of the 'Risings' taking place around the world today. Dancing, rising, demanding an end to violence, and encouraging women and men to take action across every country. Alone we can be beaten. Together, in solidarity, we can make violence against women unacceptable.

One in three women on the planet will be raped or beaten in her lifetime. (UNIFEM)