A concern

Back blip

I don’t know where she is and more worryingly her owl slippers are missing!!

The last 3 days have been long blanks,  with intermittent dreams, noises and alarms. I was in ITU for two days before transfer to the ward.

Initially I was in so much pain, but didn’t want to die, then would have happily been ‘put to sleep’. A scary dream was the appearance of two of my friends dressed in 1960’s dresses, very short, who were encouraging me to join them at the Grandstand, on Worcester Race Course. That was our watering hole and meeting place to head out to parties. D was wearing a dress that I had made and that we shared when needed. A was wearing a posher number that she had bought in Malvern.

I was upset and said that I wouldn’t go as I couldn’t  leave B & R, they needed me. The significances here is that they were in the late ‘60’s and B & R didn’t appear in my life until the ‘70’s. Also that they have both died in the past two years. Was I being asked if I wanted to die or to carry on living? 

Things got easier as I was awake more and aware of the nurses caring for me.. There were monitors, tubes, countless cotton swabs stuck on with tape where blood had been taken and bruises galore.

I was able to ask the nurse to retrieve my phone from my bag  and charge it up. Such a joy to read the messages of encouragement that had come on WhatsApp over the previous days. Knowing that the family would know that I had seen them was a bonus.

Because of the virus, visiting wasn’t allowed, hard for them, but a relief for me as an hour plus drive to the hospital to see me in that state would have been so upsetting. The staff were brilliant at providing updated information and answering R’s questions. As a former UTC Principal and Ofsted inspector, she would have wanted to know all the details and not be fobbed off!!!

B actually spoke to me one night, just a few words.....of which I have no recollection!!!! 

These were the worst days of my life!!!