Beyond the boxes

For a very long time I have believed that if we did not socialise boys and men into 'masculine' behaviour, and girls and women into 'feminine' behaviour we would have a much more equal world. I tried with my own children and the aggression and hostility I faced simply for not using gendered language - I was told that I would make Firstborn either gay (as if I had control over that or cared) or mentally ill, and probably both - made me realise how very deep the forces that uphold inequality are embedded in both men and women. I've never been good at nor interested in 'femininity' and I think it's arbitrary and not very important that I am female rather than male. Except, of course, that I've been 'femaled' all my life, subjected to sexism, expected to behave in certain ways and have been dumped on the underneath of that particular power imbalance, which has been life-changing so, of course, extremely important.

More recently, listening to how millennials are talking about sex and gender and challenging the labelling in a way very different from me, I've wondered whether my views are perhaps informed as much by the personal as the political. I'm lucky that I can discuss these things in analytical depth with Secondborn who this evening arranged for me to meet and talk with some non-binary friends in the evening sun in the park. We kicked off by talking about gender-neutral language, specifically they/them pronouns, and free-ranged from there. 

They were open, kind, generous and very interesting, and I felt privileged to listen to their talk and to be listened to. 

It was the cold and the dark that sent us all homewards about 11pm.