Cup of tea, darling?

Edmund: Baldrick, fix us some coffee, will you? And try to make it taste slightly less like mud this time.

Baldrick: Not easy, I'm afraid, Captain.

Edmund: Why is this?

Baldrick: 'cause it is mud. We ran out of coffee thirteen months ago.

Edmund: So every time I've drunk your coffee since, I have in fact been drinking hot mud...

Baldrick: With sugar.

Edmund: Which of course makes all the difference.

Baldrick: Well, it would do if we had any sugar, but, unfortunately, we ran out New Year's Eve 1915, since when I've been using sugar substitute.

Edmund: Which is...?

Baldrick: Dandruff.

Edmund: Brilliant.

Baldrick: Still, I could add some milk this time -- well, saliva...

Edmund: No, no, thank you, Baldrick. Call me Mr Picky, but I think I'll cancel the coffee.