Kenny's memorial...

Today was the first day back at work - in my home office - had lots of meetings. I truly did not want to be here at all. Random coworkers came up to say sorry, some made comments that just made me want to knock them right out. "Oh, they were young boys speeding, drinking..."...blah blah. As a matter of fact - Kenny never drank on St. Patrick's day...did just the opposite...that was so like him! The news totally got the facts wrong - I mean sure, they need ratings. People can be really insensitive. I havent been sleeping much - frankly, maybe 2 or 3 hours, but it doesnt even feel like sleep...not rested at all. It is comforting being around friends - but none of us can close our eyes.

We went to Kenny's memorial - we've been there daily, sometimes a few times a day. Every single time we go - there is something new added to the cross. An amazing thing happened...we were sitting around the cross telling stories - as we have done the past few days. I was telling everyone about how much Kenny loved dogs - he wanted a big dog, was about to get one soon. Out of the blue - a lady pulls up next to the side of the road and says "I don't have much, but I would like to give you this...". One of the guys gets up and takes what she had - he comes back w/a small stuffed animal...a dog. A bull mastiff actually named Lenny. I could see Kenny naming his dog Lenny, because hey, its simple, the L is after the K and its close to his name so he doesnt have to memorize it ;) We all smiled and said there you go Kenny, there is your big dog. Amazing moment! We've had a lot of moments like that the last few days.

We also went out to eat last night at one of our favorite restaurants. Allen and Tara havent been, it was where Kenny and I would grab lunch, sometimes we would even go there 3x a week! He would always get the same thing...he liked a menu with pictures...made ordering easier. He would point at it and say "I want that"...waiter would ask "Ok, and what would you like for a side....". Kenny would interrupt and point at the picture again and say "I want that picture, just like that"...he was simple ;) The waiter last night gave us a menu to keep - Tara is putting together a scrap book for Kenny's family. She has been looking for bits and pieces of his favorite things.

My heart hurts so bad. It's getting better, the mood, but the sadness is bad as ever. We all just feel so drained emotionally. We are starting to miss him - the things he would say, the faces he would make...just the little things. The good thing, he knew how much we all cared for him. I know many of us don't make it a point to tell our close friends how much they really mean to us, it's that unspoken bond...but we all told Kenny how much we enjoyed him...when he was alive. It's just something we all do on a regular basis...just make that appreciation known.