Follow the signs!

To who knows where! Durham perhaps!
First Doris  Boris appears to placate the baying crowds hoping he would  throw Cummings to the lions (If I were a lion, I would revolt at being fed such an unappetising scrawny piece of meat ) However things didn't quite go at the Forum the way Doris expected and the lions  demanding a better menu revolted too.
Que next day, and toxic Cummings enters the arena hoping to succeed where Doris failed & again to rise like Daniel and save the day!
By this time, the poor lions had had enough and had left the Forum for a Rose Garden, (perhaps they were familiar with the Lynn Anderson song, I never promised you a Rose Garden)
Looking a bit more presentable than usual! the virus sat calmly down and apologised (for being late) How scripted was that! Then, gently sipping what many hoped would be poisoned chalice,  he began reading his statement which incidentally wasn't anywhere near as damming about himself compared to what his wife had written some weeks before! If I were him, I would be asking her some serious questions but given that his eyesight isn't what it used  be, maybe he no longer recognises her!
All sounded fairly plausible and could be taken with a large pinch of sodium chloride but by the time he reached the end, all were hoping it would be sodium cyanide such was the incredulity among those he had personally invited to this scented rose garden though the scent was more like sh*te than roses!
Did we just hear right!!! The Second Cummings had just said he had to drive 30 miles with kid & the nagging wife who was pissed off he hadn't bought her roses for her birthday, but was driving instead to some castle to check his eyesight! I would be checking if at this point the clown had a BRAIN!
Because he hadn't bought the missus flowers, he dallies (briefly) in the bluebell woods, (I'm thinking Jimmy Shand and his Bluebell polka at this point, however I digress
Then it comes the turn of the journalists (now thats an oxymoron) this lot are so far up Jhonsons posterior that they wouldn't  recognise an unbiased article if it bit them but at least Peston seemed sober not like he was unintelligible on Sunday!
Now note that Cummings seemed to stutter & mumble & look a little lost at times, well don't be fooled this specimen is clever & articulate unlike his imperial slave Doris! so all that mumbling didn't wash Im afraid.
Anyway to cut a long dreary story short, did anyone notice the leer the snake  gave when he slithered from the table and the garden!!  (In his mind he'd done a better job than the serpent in the garden of Eden (and he was meant to be an expert)
Did the  rabble swallow this excuse of diminished eyesight & foresight! Well the Senators mostly Tory ones did or pretended to. The rabble were less convinced . Those who had stuck to all the rules (such as they were, ) felt let down, others felt cheated & others their intelligence insulted.
Later that evening Pontius  Pilate  totally washed his hands of the antichrist & refused to answer any questions and ran off to play with whatever child he claims to have now.
The rest of us... well were you fooled or did you believe that the best cure for dodgy eyesight is to take your  unfortunate family for a drive & hope you didn't hit anything en route!
Is this the end of the tale even! Who knows!