Structure

There is an argument that children need structure. 

I suppose the same could be said of some adults too who crave and need routine as a basis on which to live and/or build their lives.

Whilst under lockdown – and aside from regular meal times – I’ve tried to embrace the opportunity to have less structure in my days, but unfortunately the children don’t give much ground in that regard and we’ve quite easily fallen into the routine of a life lived between meals.

It’s not all bad though as breaking down the day between meals & snacks does help in ‘eating the elephant’ (see previous blip a while back) and let’s be honest, we need our sustenance. 

We’ve eaten some good food this weekend and I think slowly but surely, I may actually be learning how to cook a little – I progressed to a mash topped chicken pie this weekend – doesn’t sound like much, but in my little corner of the universe, it’s huge!

I have cut my time with the children a little short this weekend as – like millions of others – I am completely burnt out and in desperate need of a break from the structure of constant working, parenting, parenting whilst working, worrying about work, parenting, conflicts of interest and just thinking in general. I think the weight of the emotion of seeing and holding all of my children together on Saturday for the first time in over two months was the final shove into total mental exhaustion and tiredness from ALL THIS THINKING.

Dropping the youngest children off (The Eldest was only here for a couple of hours yesterday), I felt at once immediately guilty and missed them. It’s weird, out of lockdown, the pangs of pain from sending them back to school knowing that I wasn’t going to see them for a while had been quelled, but now I’m currently having more time with them, those pangs are increasing every time I take them home.* What’s that about?

Feeling the pangs once more (and knowing that I’d set Bank Holiday Monday aside for doing absolutely NOTHING at all), as the sun finally won its battle against grey overcast skies, I pulled my trainers on and went for a run to think about nothing. 

Stay healthy. 


*By way of balance, it’s a physical impossibility for me to be any happier when I see them again for the first time.