Week 6 Lockdown Musings - 20 Years of Parenting

Struggling as Blipfoto keep shortening my post...
As ever, edited for privacy...

Week 6 musings have been challenging to write.
This was actually written yesterday, May 3rd 2020.

20 years ago tonight, I was in the old Cresswell Maternity Hospital, for what I really thought was just a routine check.
Hubby had broken his foot a few weeks earlier and was unable to drive.
I had met a friend's parents in Homebase in Dumfries that afternoon, and they had offered to drive us to the hospital when the time came.
Not wanting to have to call them out in the middle of the night, when I woke from an afternoon nap feeling a bit sore, we decided upon discussion with a midwife, that we should go in for a wee check up.

I didn’t take my bag.
I was only 38 weeks pregnant.
I wasn’t feeling too bad.
We were just being cautious as we were relying on others for transport…
6 hours later, in a birthing pool listening to Otis Redding sing “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay’, two became three…

When I was pondering whether to write something this week, I contemplated various themes.

Now that little 6lb 14oz bundle, who changed our lives forever, is about to turn 20 years old and is a man, I can’t really write about much else than family.

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As we complete week 6 of Lockdown, most of us have seen more of our families than we normally would.
There are certainly good points about this experience.

In our previous lives we became accustomed to being aware of our household members in an absent-minded way; we muttered to ourselves when we found no milk in the fridge, we maybe sneaked out a rude word or two…or more…when we stood on something left lying on the floor, we hoped someone else would take over changing the loo roll!

We manoeuvred our way through the day, the week; balancing work, meals, activities, shopping…
Food went in the fridge and disappeared.
Washing appeared and was dealt with.
Sometimes we met in the kitchen at the same time.
Life revolved around the family calendar; who had to be where and when…

And now?

We waken at irregular times, we may meet in the kitchen for breakfast, or brunch…or lunch!
Food still finds its way into the fridge and disappears frighteningly fast.
Washing has slowed to a steady trickle as sports and school have stopped.
We gather at dinner time and remind ourselves of who we are.
Dinner table chat is more about WHO we are rather than what we have been doing.
We have no choice.
We see the true challenges teachers face daily as education moves into living rooms and kitchens (not going to lie, I feel a bit smug about avoiding this).

We bicker.
We argue.
We laugh.
We take turns in cooking.
We listen to each other’s music, whether we like it or not…
Sometimes, we all go for a walk…together.
Still nobody takes ownership of the toilet roll situation!

Lockdown is a difficult experience, but I do remind myself daily of how lucky I am.
Every day I think about those living in different circumstances.
Alone.
Living where fear or hurt reign.
Struggling to provide essentials.
Where a heart-shaped gap has been left…

I think about those who are working longer hours, in difficult circumstances, to keep us all safe.
I think about those who desperately want to be with family, yet can't.

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I pulled this from the Merrriam-Webster site:

family noun
fam·i·ly | \ ˈfam-lē, ˈfa-mə- \

Definition of family (1 a and b) -: the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children
also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family

“What is a family?
The answer to the question 'what does family mean?' is both difficult to answer and highly subjective. The word has shifted its meaning considerably since it entered our language, currently contains many different senses, and in at least one of these senses may signify different things to different people… it is not surprising when we consider that the word comes from the Latin familia, which meant 'household,' a designation that included both servants and relatives.
In modern use family may refer to one of a number of different groups of people or things collectively, … and people who may or may not share ancestry. Family is often encountered in legal use, but even within the jargon of the law it is not restricted to a single meaning. In many legal contexts family denotes 'individuals related by blood, marriage, or adoption,' but in others the definition may be somewhat broader, encompassing groups of individuals not related by these things."

Rather than simply defining family by a dictionary definition, perhaps we should look to define a family by our own standards and needs.

"Family is what you make it."
Whether we share genetic material, are friends, a community, or a combination of these, this sense of family offers the support we humans need to thrive and survive.

Over the years, I’ve felt part of many families.
From stumbling into a special couple's kitchen, being "adopted" by various friends' families over the years, to finding myself welcomed and enveloped in love by la Spanish familia; to me, there is more to family than Biology.
Friendship groups that feel like true family where there are disagreements and challenges but at the core, love and a sense of belonging.
Being part of a professional family, again with diverse opinions and approaches, but knowing there is the support of kindred spirits.
There has certainly been a family feel in the local community as we help each other out as best we can.
There is a saying that it takes a village to raise a child.
I hope our children, the Wee Macs, realise in time that, although obviously having the luck to be born into our family (!), the people they have grown up around, those pseudo-aunties and uncles, their “Grundo”, are as much a part of their life-family as any shared DNA. I feel privileged to be an "Auntie" to children who are not related to me in any way.
Too many to tag, but you all know who you are...
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So, 20 years ago, this couple became a family.
Photos celebrating our 20 years learning how to “family”…We’ll probably never get it right.
But it’s worth the effort.
A bit of a random mix but in keeping with the shambles of a musing this week.
Lockdown 2020 moments.
Thanking those who have been important members of our family, supporting us and enriching our lives.
Thanking those who have invited us into their family, regardless of size or content.
And, to our eldest, Happy 20th Birthday son

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A wee poem that I like -
The Child at the Window
~ Siegfried Sassoon ~
Remember this, when childhood's far away;
The sunlight of a showery first spring day;
You from your house-top window laughing down,
And I, returned with whip-cracks from a ride,
On the great lawn below you, playing the clown.
Time blots our gladness out. Let this with love abide . . .
The brave March day; and you, not four years old,
Up in your nursery world — all heaven for me.
Remember this — the happiness I hold —
In far off springs I shall not live to see;
The world one map of wastening war unrolled,
And you, unconscious of it, setting my spirit free.
For you must learn, beyond bewildering years,
How little things beloved and held are best.
The windows of the world are blurred with tears,
And troubles come like cloud-banks from the west.
Remember this, some afternoon in spring,
When your own child looks down and makes your sad heart sing.
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May the 4th be with you!
“Time blots our gladness out. Let this with love abide…”
“ Remember this, some afternoon in spring,
When your own child looks down and makes your sad heart sing.”