At peace

My dad passed away during the night. He's finally at peace.
I'm glad I got to see him before the lockdown happened but I wish I had been able to see him again.

I know he had been distant for the last 20 years but I have good memories of him when I was a child. And although he has missed out on so much of my life and my sister's lives he shouldn't have had to go through what he has just been through. My brain feels numb, I'm more emotional than what I thought I would be. I don't get to say goodbye to him . It's a difficult time for so many people in the world right now.

James Blunts song came on this morning and it reduced me to tears. But a couple of his lyrics go

" No need to forgive, no need to forget. I know your mistakes and you know mine .
And while you're sleeping I'll try and make you proud.
So daddy why don't you just close your eyes.
Don't be afraid, it's now my turn
To chase the monsters away. "


It reminded me when I was about 8 and I was quite ill and hallucinating and my mum and dad both had to sleep with their arms underneath my body as I was seeing monsters coming through the ceiling.

So goodnight dad. X