The way we live and die now

I keep editing this entry so bear with me.

The physical/virtual hybrid funerals? I can’t say I’d recommend them as the locked down in Italy son of my deceased mother. Never mind the dodgy sound and astonishing absence of wifi in the Oxford crematorium. Being involved in the fashioning of the service and then not being there has many consequences. From missing the shear physicality of the moment and the long-practiced ritual of it all to having less of a last minute say in the proceedings and less of the relief at the end.

My sense is that distance facilitates the emergence of in- and out-groups,  feeds old hurt and grievance. Tight restrictions on mourner numbers - max 10 - leaves fissures unmediated by a large and diverse group of mourners and/or (at least in the best cases) the accumulated wisdom of a minister or celebrant with their learnt sense of steering the collective and yet heterogeneous car of grief down the least precipitous road for the emotional well-being of all.

And yet the friends and family who joined in on Zoom were positive and grateful, particularly given the uncertainties surrounding a larger memorial gathering.

We were lucky to have had a funeral at all and zoom worked pretty well for the service, an ‘in the crem car park chat’  and a brief reception.Even the relay between Zoom to Italy and Whatapp to Edinburgh seemed to work. (The photo).

And it took a lot off hard work and nerve to bring it all together in these social distancing times.

Buf if you're embarking on this I can recommend developing the diplomatic skills of a peace-keeping mission, immense generosity and absolute transparency and a recognition that distance makes arriving at consensus and a shared understanding of mission (if possible at all) a longer and more complicated process than chatting at the kitchen table. And don’t leave the zoomers isolated at the end for they have no reception in which to celebrate the life departed.

But we got there.

(I've added noise to the photo to blur out any detail.)