03:00

So there we were, 03:00 all tucked up in bed and fast asleep, then Beloved hears a noise and wakes me up.

The alarm on my dialysis machines is beeping. There is a System Error message on the screen. So I get the book out to find out what to do.

Typically, it's the usual support answer, switch it off and back on again. So I did. Everything is OK, so I settle down again.

Beep beep, beep. The alarm again. Switch the machine off and on again. This time, the alarm went off almost straight away.

The only answer is to call the out of hours helpline, in America. A very helpful gent takes the details and decides a new machine is needed, which he ordered and asked when today I would prefer delivery.

Not being early risers i said after lunch, no problem he says.

Just turned eight o'clock Beloved wakes me up again. UPS are at the door with my new machine and want to take the old one away. Fortunately the driver was happy to wait while i packed it away.

That's what you call service.