A letter came today!

Got a letter from Boris today. I was thinking how I might reply
Boris "In just a few short weeks, everyday life has changed dramatically" 
Me   Too bloody right! 
Boris :We all feel the profound impact of coronavirus..."
Me Indeed, I've been stuck in this damn house for over a month now, can't go on a long drive for fear of Robo-cops, can't go to nice fancy shops (I suppose I save money though) Can't go to the cinema and worse of all hubby can't go to church and is turning into a heathen!
Boris..."the action we have taken is absolutely necessary" 
Ma..."action" are you pulling my chain man, what action? It took Macron threatening to close the border so you couldn't get any more smelly French cheese to get you to wake up you cretin!
Boris  "If too many people become unwell"  
Me What's your definition of too many you idiot|!
Boris  "The NHS will be unable to cope"
Me  The moron, you and your herd have been undermining the NHS for the last ten years!
Boris  "WE must slow the spread of the disease and reduce the number of people needing hospital treatment..."
Me So why are we being telt by that great Gov propaganda machine that is the BBC are you "sitting up and taking an active part in running the country" You never ran it while you were well and you had not one but three holidays before and during this bloody epeidemic. Practice what you preach numpty!
Boris "You should not meet friends or relatives"
Me  If I were to meet "friends" just now, they would probably soon become my enemies for spreading the virus!
Boris "You may leave your home to buy food and medicine
Me In Scotland we have free medicine, no thanks to y ou clown!
Boris "These rules must be observed. So, (never begin a sentence with so) the police will issue fines 
Me Yet another stealth tax! That will be to pay the greedy buggers their 10K award from working from home! What a bloody con that is!
Boris ".. The Gov will do whatever it takes to help to make ends meet and put food on the table"
Me still waiting on that one and Iv'e already eaten the food AND the table!
Boris " Its important for me to be level with you
Me that's a first
Boris "..than our fantastic NHS  I knew he couldn't  miss out the word Fantastic, its his favourite word
Boris .." rise to the needs of the hour|
Me Someone tell him he aint and never will be Churchill!

He has the signiture of a primary kid!
 What a waste of paper! No wonder the log boat here has been working flat out to take logs to be made into paper!

Stay safe all