Route March

I went to get a few bits today and it was mostly nice just to drive further than round the block and get some headspace listening to music. 

I worked hard to get my assignment finished- it's not the best but I'm actually almost hoping to get a 'refer' on a couple of bits just to level the playing field with everybody else...;-) 

I had college online in the evening. We had tutorials so most of us chose to stay online for a couple of hours to chat, which was really good. The only thing was it made me miss them/it more, and then I came away feeling a bit flat and just totally done with this whole situation.

My tutorial went fine, although I was so nervous I could hardly listen and remember what we talked about. She said nice things (I think), and agreed that there had been a change in me, and that I couldn't have done any more than she'd asked. She explained again how her concerns had come from a genuine place, and weren't meant to upset me, and I thanked her for supporting me. The most important question for me to be answered was would she be giving me a reference for carrying on next year, and thankfully it was a yes. She said she didn't like the word 'fragile' but she had felt that I was, and that she wanted to make sure that I was robust enough for next year. So it was a good outcome, but I was so stressed I couldn't really appreciate it all at the time. 

I've done my application for another college as well- it was the topic of conversation for all of us tonight- as it's not a case of not getting a place, it's that there aren't enough tutors. So even though I want to stay where I am, and hopefully with some of the same people, it would be silly not to just apply everywhere and hopefully end up with something rather than nothing. I said to my tutor about staying with the others next year, and that it sounds silly, but she said it wasn't, as for me, I'll probably end up sitting in silence for 6 months until I feel comfortable. 

Now they'll all be interviewing online which isn't ideal, especially if you have to sell yourself, but I did that years ago on a Skype interview with a school in NL, and they offered me the bloody job! 

I went to bed feeling really fed up- the worry of uncertainty, but hopefully it will pass. 

I will get a tutor reference, and that's important to remember here. 


* Picture of the tree that fell down weeks ago now having been chopped up. A bit disappointing but we had a good clamber on it. Little Ro hamming it up for my camera is the other extra.