Loïka, gone but never forgotten

As much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't shake the niggling feeling that I wasn't going to see Loïka again when I said goodbye to her yesterday. The first thing I did when I arrived at the sanctuary this afternoon was look at the list to see if she was still on it. I knew that she'd been put to sleep though the moment that I saw that her name had been crossed out with the word 'adopted' written next to it.

Last year when Titan, a St.-Bernard that I used to walk, had died I'd been told that it's standard practice at the sanctuary to tell everyone that the dog concerned has been adopted. At that time they had told me the truth though because I'd walked him so often and had developed a bond with him, just like I had now with Loïka. Titan's death had been caused by a very unexpected medical problem though. At least, his time, thanks to Christophe from the sanctuary informing me yesterday about Loïka's assessment earlier today, I'd been able to prepare myself for the possibility that my walk with her yesterday afternoon might well have been my last one.

Before taking Loïka back to the sanctuary after our walk yesterday afternoon, I'd given her a hug and I had told her to be a good girl at the assessment but unfortunately the outcome had been the one that I'd feared the most. When I asked Bjorn, one of the staff at the sanctuary, about it during a private chat away from other dog walkers, he told me that the option of keeping her available for re-homing had been discussed at length earlier today but they'd had to conclude that the risk had become just too high for that and that the chance of her ever getting adopted was very slim. According to Bjorn, Loïka had become just too possessive in her behaviour and had already bitten several people before. Apparently the only people that she hadn't bitten yet were Christophe from the sanctuary and me. I wished sometimes that I could have taken her but it just wasn't possible for various reasons.

I shall not only miss the walks with this lovely spirited girl, but especially the interaction with her. Like a good friend has said to me, where she is now, she can never be hurt again or feel alone or be in pain. Rest in peace sweet Loïka, I'm sure that one day we will meet again.

Last night I'd taken a few photos of the moon. I was going to use one of those shots for today's entry if the result of Loïka's assessment had been positive but under the circumstances I've decided to blip a shot from our last walk together yesterday afternoon. I took a photo of it on the laptop screen and converted it into a black and white portrait.