How to challenge

I made a choice knowing full well it wouldnt be good for me in some ways. 

Because sometimes you just have to do the thing. The one thing that you're really good at. That you know inside out. Where choices are simple. And the outside world doesn't exist, let alone matter. And flow. Sweet, effortless, focussed flow. 
So I went kayaking. Solo, on water hard enough and with consequences but within me. On a river I know just enough.

Driving home with T came the challenge I was expecting. And what a delivery of said challenge.
Acknowledging why I'd felt the need today. Thanking me for at least coming to a river where he'd be in the area. Affirming that "you paddle beautifully. It's a delight to watch the dance". Kindly reminding me of the seriousness of my right now. Gently pointing out my responsibilities to myself and the investment other people have made in me. Encouraging me to admit and apologise to the people that need it. Encoraging me to learn and try again because that's life. Insisting on some damage limitation despite my protests.

Never made to feel judged or shamed. The complete opposite actually. Seen, built up, stretched and cared for. Better.

I used to want to paddle as well as T (he says I've long surpassed him but I'm not so sure!). One day I want to be able to challenge as well as him.