Empathy

On this bright and shiny morning, almost metallic, almost ringing like a cymbal, Margie was cogitating on empathy: how it arises, whether it comes from nature or nurture, or both. We didn’t come to a conclusion, but she leans, as usual, toward both. She thinks a person’s innate sensitivity or tendency to identify with others may point them in the direction of empathy; and difficult experiences contribute to that. Can a person can develop empathy without personal difficulty? 

“Well, who,” she asks, with an ocean of compassion in her eyes, “who doesn’t have difficulty? If your father is a gentle soul, your mother is a nag who wants him to make more money. If your parents are both terrific, you’ll have a teacher who harasses or underestimates you. If your siblings are like-minded spirits, you run into bullies on the playground. Life is full of opportunities for difficulty. At the very least, your dog dies.” We laughed gently at the infinite variety of difficulty.

But then why do some people lack empathy? I wondered.

“Oh, like the current President, you mean?” Good example, yes.

“Well, there are mean spirits, just as there are empathetic ones. Often people admire the mean, because mean people appear successful at the game of accumulation. It’s a primate’s game.”