PRESENTS FOR CATS!

Dear Princess,

It is I, Jasper Cat. And I would like to thank you for all of the treats for me that were included in your parcels. I would also like to thank you for the parcel. It is my bed now. My bum fits in it so it must be for me.

The large useless one also seemed very excited about something or other. He rushed off to the kitchen so he could make himself a cup of tea to go with his biscuits, so I followed him and shouted LOUDLY for MY biscuits. It is the only language he understands.

The little dopey one also seemed quite worked up about something. He got hold of one of MY toys and took it away where he SLOBBERED all over it. I asked him what gave him the right to take MY stuff and he said, "meep".

"Meep". I ask you. I'll effing "meep" him.

I am not sure how to express my frustration about having MY toys covered in cat-spit. It is so unhygenic. I may have to leave a poo on the floor. 

Nevertheless, I am also currently enjoying MY Christmas biscuits. When the big useless one gives me some, I shout EXTRA LOUD so he knows he has done well.

I may have to call you up soon and shout down the phone at you too. 

Love you loads,

Jasper Cat