Wandering

I quite liked this sign in the changing area of Mint Velvet. I went in for a browse, and came out with a new pair of discounted birthday boots.....

I enjoyed a bit of headspace on the drive there and back. My tutorial on Thursday has left me feeling worried, unsettled and uncertain, and my mind has been churning it all over ever since. Which isn't particularly helpful seeing as there's now two weeks to think, with no distractions! 

My tutor thinks I'm like "a bottle of pop" (her words) which I think means she knows I'm trying to keep a lid on my feelings. She thinks I haven't dealt with pain, and I guess this probably isn't a good thing if you're training to be a therapist. I guess I can hide it from Joe public, but she's a therapist, and there's no surprise that she picked up on it. I worry that it could jeopardise next year- I've worked too hard to get here and I'll be damned if my 'stuff' is going to stop me going all the way with this one. 

I think part of the reason I feel so unsettled is because I know she's probably right. She talked to me about why I don't cry, asking me if I saw it as weakness etc. (no, obviously). She said having a good cry could be quite empowering. 

I fear 2020 is going to involve some serious tears and upset, but if it helps me to be happier and to finally move forward then maybe I should do the work. 

36, maybe you'll be the turning point. The point where I finally am able to say, no more. And how great could that be?