Here Comes Mr. Jordan

My Dear Princess and Dear Fellows,

We need to talk about the quality of chat in the office. We are now on day 4 of Post-Lemon and already I have been subjected to PICTURES OF PEOPLE'S CHILDREN. LIKE THAT IS INTERESTING OR FUNNY.

And then there was the conversation this morning that arose when Tanvi asked if anyone had a spare plastic bag. As a matter of fact I did, and I retrieved it from my murse ("male purse").

When Tanvi had gone, Smock made a shocking confession.

SMOCK: I actually DO have a spare plastic bag, but I didn't really want to give it to Tanvi. (Smock goes into her desk-caddy and retrieves a plastic bag which she unfurls and shows to me). 
ME: Oh. Okay.
SMOCK: Yes. I was given it at a work event a couple of years ago. I keep it for my fish.
ME: Right then. Good.
SMOCK: See? It's very soft plastic.
ME: Yes. Oh yes. I see. Yes.
SMOCK: I use it when I get fish on Tuesdays.
ME: (Thinking) Oh dear GOD. Am I really taking part in a conversation about someone's favourite PLASTIC BAG?!??

Shoot me. 

So I can't talk about the work chat to you anymore on account of it is effing shitehouse. But did you notice how I dropped the word "murse" in there earlier? 

I DID THAT ON PURPOSE.

It is so I could segue into my story of the day which is about the actor Leslie Jordan. He appears in lots of things, but you probably know him best of all as the short Southern gentleman, Beverly Leslie in Will & Grace. He is our very favourite character on that show, especially the way he always sidles into it with his catchphrase...

LESLIE: Wey-ull, wey-ull, wey-ull. If it isn't Kay-ren Waw-kah! Ah THAWT ah could smell gin and regret.

We recently watched his one-man show My Trip Down The Pink Carpet
which was about his life as an actor and as growing up as a short gay man in a Southern Baptist community. It was, as you might expect, both hilarious and tragic at the same time.

He told one story about his addiction issues and how, in rehab, a nurse said, "Oh for goodness sake, you're just another self-hating gay man. You need to go into therapy with a bunch of straight men."

The idea frightened him, because he was uncomfortable around straight men. But in order to move on with his recovery, he joined an AA group consisting solely of hetero men. He then described his first session -

"Oh all the days to bring my MURSE!" he said. 

But he put aside his reservations and walked up to the podium - which was so tall it almost obscured him completely from view - and poured out his story. 

"And I have never felt such LOVE coming from a room," he confessed.

I thought that was very touching. He went on to say that the straight men became his friends, although they did see him a bit like the group mascot.

So that was the sad story. The story that really made me laugh was about his excitement at getting to work on a film with Beverly D'Angelo. He went to visit her trailer, where she was bemoaning the fact that she was out of clean underwear.

"Leslie! " She called out. "Would you be a darling and get me some cotton-crotch underwear? Size four."

Leslie noted her requirements and walked to his car. But Beverly intercepted him and grabbed him by the arm. 

"It's size SIX really," she whispered. "Don't tell ANYONE."

So Leslie drove to the nearest department store to buy Beverly D'Angelo some knickers. He said he got the stink-eye from the lady behind the counter when he told her he wanted lady's knickers, cotton crotch, size six. But in the end, she relented and he returned to the film set. 

"Thank you SO MUCH for the size four underwear!" beamed D'Angelo, shouting across the set so that everyone could hear.

But later in the day there were delays in the costume department. "Miss D'Angelo is having trouble getting into the underwear YOU supplied," a costume person sniffily informed him.

During their scene together, Leslie confronted Beverly. "It's not MY fault yuh couldn't fit yer FAT ASS into those panties," he hissed. But she laughed it off and the two of them remained friends, even though he threatened to tell the story if he ever got invited onto a chat show.

Years passed and Leslie became famous because of "Will & Grace" and he was indeed invited onto the David Letterman show. On the night he was due to appear, his phone rang. It was Beverly D'Angelo's voice on the other end:

"If you tell that f*cking story, you start at a size TWO, d'you hear???"

You see? THIS is the level of chat I expect! Fecking plastic bags! Fer eff's sake!

S.

p.s. Today's image. Abstract with an imaginative use of reflection or complete shite? You decide.