Does anyone want a plant?

There is something rather strange about our house. Some people who come notice, and some don't. The fact is that there is not one living plant anywhere in the house. I don't like plants - no that's not quite true, I think they are great in other people's houses, just not anywhere where I have the responsibility. You see that's the point - they are far too much responsibility.  They are never happy, always wanting something or something is wrong - water/too much water, sun/too much sun, shade/too much shade - you get the idea. And then there's the problem of what to do with them when you go away. And they are such drama queens - always threatening to sulk and droop and loose leaves. 

No, I can do without houseplants. I did have a collection at one point, but gave them all away long ago. 

Then . . . a few weeks ago I rather foolishly bought this plant in Sainsbury's. I have to admit I liked the pot and unfortunately there was a plant inside it! Now I don't know what it is or what to do with it. The label was really helpful - one one side it said Succulent and on the other side Instructions: Do Not Eat. Well, I have managed the latter, now what? If only it could talk and tell me what it wants. 

I really can't bring myself to throw it away - but it is becoming a problem. 
Does anyone want a plant??