Got Crabs? We do!

My Dear Fellows & Dear Princess,

So my diet is effed. I've managed to lose about 5kg in the past couple of months, but then a whole kg has leapt back onto my arse in the past week. I blame Jackson and Helen.

Tonight they took us to The Crab Shack for dinner. It is good, honest pub food in there so I ordered a fish supper. Jackson also wanted one, but he's not keen on beer batter. 

Helen (fae Shetlant) had a conversation with our waitress (French) which went like this:

HELEN: Can he hae it breatet?
CARO: She means "breaded".
WAITRESS: Braided?
HELEN: Naw. "Breatet".
WAITRESS: Uh. Ah am neut sure. Ah weel go and check.

We were told that no, you couldn't have a breaded fish supper. But then Caro spotted a crumbed fishburger on the menu. She took it up with a Kiwi waiter so no language difficulty. Yet still, there were issues...

CARO: When we say "breaded" we mean "crumbed".
WAITER: Sorry. We don't do that.
CARO: But you do a crumbed fishburger.
WAITER: Oh yes, you can have that. 
CARO: We don't want that. We just want the crumbed fish, but in supper form.
WAITER: The chef can't do that. It's the portion size, you see.
CARO: But if you've got CRUMBS and if you've got FISH...
WAITER: Sorry. The chef says he can't do it.
CARO: Well how about this? What if he COOKS the fishburger, then throws away the bun?
WAITER: Let me just check to see if that is possible.

You'll be relieved to hear that yes, it is possible to throw away a burger bun. I know, that was a close one, right?

Helen was very sneaky and went off for a wee, and paid the whole bill while she was away. She didn't need to do that, but it was a nice end to a lovely evening with people whose accent sounds like a cat purring.

But I am still fat. FAT. 

YOUR FAULT, Helen.

I knew I should have had my fish braided.

S.