Happiness and guilt

Today I got to spend time with the 2 younger wildlings.
The biggest was away to Nana and grandads . They had picked him up from school. He still gets picked up at 12.

I decided to take the other 2 for lunch. It's not something we do on a regular basis. We are "that family" that people stare at or wish that they hadn't sat so close to our table. Lunch out can be difficult for X. It could be too noisy or bright etc too much sensory overload and it's also a lot of demand's for him. " Sit nicely, don't shout, you can't get up and run around etc" don't get me wrong if we go to MacDonalds he gets on ok but a pub restaurant or that is completely different. Today was different. I felt so relaxed and the 2 younger one's were amazing. They behaved so well, they ate their lunch. The middle wildling told me of his time at nursery, it was peaceful and stress-free. And I had such a good time with them. And I felt like a "normal" mum. And then I felt guilty for that. For enjoying our meal without being stressed etc. But when you go out for a family meal or sit down even in the house together as a whole family it's not really relaxing. And that's what we've got to just get on with . It might be different for us all the older X gets. He might find going out for a meal less stressful for him and he might enjoy it. We will have to wait and see .

Nana and grandad dropped him off at the doctor's. I had to go and have my check with the midwife. The look on X's face was priceless when he heard the baby's heartbeat.