Just A Saturday Afternoon@ Oaktree Balcony

BlipJournal 03 August 2019
That would be a good question. While collecting some remains of the day: What would be your most remarkable or meaningful experience? Worthwhile to take away from that dustbin plenty of all those whatsoever daily futilities, which "must be done"...?
Which make you feel tired and entitled to sit down or lean backwards and sigh. In order to daydream, relax, do nothing, looking around or listening to noises.  Maybe some music or having fun with your beloved.  Well, my mother used to snarl: "School comes always first before the girlfriend!". Keep on with your duties, home- or housework. Suppress  or postpone your needs and spontaneous desires.
But now I´m discovering  how this well-disciplined character formation has locked me up.  Just because of this damned "first things first" I feel hampered by procrastination and looking for evasion when it comes to finding a start into creative writing and creative activities, externalisation in general. Though I'm getting up early. It takes me a long time before  I really pick up my pen or a pencil. Just to draw for fun?
Why do I feel nervous about this. I have been silent and non-productive long enough. And life is too short. So it will be now or never. And I hope to feel this lust in flowing, dabbling around. Feeling in the creative mood being just a joy for ever.
I know I will never become that artist I was once dreaming of as a boy. But living and make things in a creative way comes close to my destination. Perhaps I'm writing down these considerations to prepare myself for some kind of new "Jump" tomorrow morning. A leap into the abyss  of the unknowable. That frightening flying down into absolute freedom of creation. Oh, I know, its just  a matter of taking up that pen and tube of gouache and finally let that other reality appear...
We will see. Now, the question remains: was this lamentation your outstanding experience of today? Well, at least I felt confronted with  inner fear.  I felt torn apart, uncomfortable. Let's hope Tomorrow brings a real chance.