Lemon's Guide To Childcare

My Dear Fellows and Dear Princess,

I have not much in the way of news for you today. Caro is slowly transforming from grumpy little snot-monster back into a normal human being and I've just been working.

But Lemon gave me some stories I can share with you. Today she told me about her grand-daughter. Or as she refers to her, "The Monster".

I'm not sure this is how grandparents traditionally refer to their children's children, but this is Lemon we are talking about here.

The reason Grandchild has earned herself this nickname is that she does not cry. "She just goes RAAAAAARGH! RAAAAAARGH!," said Lemon. "Me and the boys have started greeting her by going RAAAAARGH back. I'm not sure that's helping."

The only time The Monster is mellow is when she is sitting on Daughter-in-Law's lap. "Then she sits happy as can be," said Lemon. "She reminds me of a little stoner, just smiling and laughing at everything. Then I pick her up and her face changes instantly - RAAAAAAARGH!"

Lemon told me that Daughter-in-Law doesn't mind having to have the baby sit on her the whole time, but misses getting out and about. I suggested one of those "Baby Bjorn" things.

"Oooh no," advised Lemon. "I was always tipping the baby out of mine. I would forget it was on and bend over to get something and SPLAT. It was terrible. It happened in the supermarket once. I had to check no-one was looking and then scooped up the kid out of the potatoes."

"Actually, I was always dropping my children," she admitted. "I'm quite forgetful. I'd just be reaching for something and the next thing I knew one of them would have plopped into the sink." 

Her memory also led to her driving away with a child left in a stroller in the driveway. On several occasions. She nearly drove off with a child in the car seat on top of the car as well. 

"Still, they all made it in the end," I noted. "You must have done something right."

"That's exactly what I tell them!" she replied. 

"Mind you, a couple of them have nightmares about being abandoned," she continued, "not sure why."

I mused on this tonight as I rolled around with Jasper on the rug. I don't know I could have handled the responsibility of children myself. It is as well I stuck with cats. This little chap seems well-adjusted enough. 

"RAAAAAAAARGH!" said Jasper.

S.