The head game

All sports have a psychological component that massively affects performance, a bit like life and the state of our mental health.

I've always thought of myself as a climber, even when I thought it was a thing I'd no longer be able to do. 
Even when I was on the way to being a pro footballer that was simply something I did. Sure I liked the easy life it gave me at school and the social boost, but it was just a thing. Climbing was always everything. 
Age and circumstance has morphed that somewhat into an overall love of the outdoors, climbing slowly faded as my body began to bear witness to the strain of always pushing, as the arthritis slowly seized the joints, and then major ankle surgery and the threat of more shoulder surgery seemed to ring the final death knell. 
But, as ever folks, but.... 
A lot of that was coloured by a general depression, a fatalistic inability to adapt. My mind game was poor. 

Recently Ive felt the urge. I've made my peace that super technical and difficult climbs are a thing of youth, that every day  or even often is and may be too much. But I've felt the urge. And that's been enough to lift the mojo. 

Today circumstance lit a spark and I headed out. The club who's emails I've steadfastly ignored were heading to a favorite place, I'd time to spare, I feel stronger than I have in a while*

So many questions;could I? should I? would it hurt? what if... I fell, made à fool of myself, found out I couldn't???
Would I tie on with a stranger?  could I be honest about who and where I now am?

I climbed three routes in the end with three people I've never met before. As climbers most usually are they were all top banana and let me do my thing my way. 
Three. Blind. Mice. 
Three was climbed like I'd just escaped the knackers yard. On Mice I remembered to use my legs and started to canter. Blind was the final straight, the old horse remembering what it once was to run. 

Enough, more than enough.

*I'm not, I'm appallingly weak. Thank heavens for technique lol