The black hat (Day 1505)

The last couple of weeks have been difficult. 
Throughout my life, I have been aware that I walk close to an edge over which there seems a bottomless pit of churning thoughts which wear me down and eat away at me. Sleep evades me, and in the darkness, my mind is a whirlpool. 
I try my hardest to stay away from the edge of the abyss, but there are times when I slip over that edge. I slipped over the edge a couple of weeks ago and the fall this time has been a long one. I haven't wanted to interact with anyone (hence turning off comments) and have felt utterly exhausted. 
I have sought medical help for the first time to help me deal with the black hat of depression, and I will be referred to someone who (hopefully) can help me but the wait will likely be months rather than days or weeks. 
In the meantime I have been given medication to take - something which I had always shied away from. The thought of taking medication to sort out my head was a path I didn't want to go down, and it made me reluctant to seek the help I need. There are too many stories of addiction - poor souls who are trapped by the pills which were supposed to help them. My doctor, having listened to me for far longer than the normal few minutes of an appointment, insisted that I needed to have something to help me. 
The first side effects of the tablets reared their head fairly rapidly - a dry mouth and an even more disturbed sleep pattern. Apparently these symptoms will diminish over time. The positive effects of the pills take a lot longer to manifest themselves apparently, as much as two weeks. 
Today felt a little brighter. A tiny bit lighter. Despite an early start for work, I feel less tired than I have for days. I am not OK, and I suppose it will be a while before I get to the point where I feel OK, but it is good to feel that bit better.
I am very well aware that I have been difficult to live with for the last while and that my beautiful wife deserves a medal for putting up with me, but hopefully the worst is behind me now. 
Thank you to those who have asked HV if I am ok.

The SP today reflects the way I feel, half hidden in the darkness.