Sunday

It's been a very hard day. 

I woke at 2.45am struggling to breath, I got a fright. I paced the flat, went back to bed after taking a diazepam and fell asleep. I then woke around 6am feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. I could do nothing. I lay trying breathing techniques, tried to read my book but the words were all blurry. 
I eventually went back to sleep then woke at 8.30. My chest was sore but breathing was ok. I showered then decided to go into town for some breakfast and a wander. (where blip was taken)

This afternoon has been horrendous, and still now I am suffering. Feels like a panic attack bubbling away but not coming to the surface. I have cried most of the afternoon, tried to distract myself, paced, struggled to breathe, been in pain, taken a diazepam, tried and failed to sleep. 
Just now, the pain is there the breathing is still all over the place. I have tried to do absolutely everything not to self harm and so far so good. 

I have no idea where this came from and that is what I find very hard to deal with.