The root of the matter.

In knots today, worrying about an appointment with the neurosurgeon and reviewing the last MRI scan. The last time I saw him, some months ago, we discussed the statistics for and against having the second (unruptured) aneurysm treated by endovascular coiling. Basically, the risks associated with surgery are about the same as having a bleed if not treated, although treatment will be less of an option as I get older. A lot of people I've talked to are of the ignore it and leave well alone persuasion; after all you could be hit by a metaphorical bus any day. On the other hand. the virtual friends in my online support group of brain haemorrhage survivors mostly think I should go for it for peace of mind. This is what I want to do. The idea of going through that procedure again makes me sick to my stomach, but living in fear of another burst is not acceptable. Having to go alone to the appointment is a worry, as I become less articulate when stressed, and I fear I will not be able to explain clearly just why deactivating this time-bomb is so important to me. Also I feel mean insisting on it as the operation is hugely expensive and that NHS money could be better spent on saving someone's life right now rather than at some unspecified time in the future (possibly).

I'll probably get there and find the clinic's cancelled or something...