All Up In Your Business

My Dear Princess & Dear Fellows,

I pass by this building regularly. I thought I should take a picture of it for you sports fans.

Just so you know, it does nothing for me.

Two stories for you today. Because it is me, it is the usual highbrow stuff. 

Story #1 - Dr. Annie
So Lemon had to take her daughter (in her twenties) and her partner (in his 60's) to the doctor because neither of them likes to go alone. 

Sadly, her childhood doctor, who has treated her family all of their lives (Dr. Gonzo) has finally retired. So they booked themselves in to see the new doctor. They sat in the waiting room and there was a bit of a ruckus. Loud laughter and shrieking and "OH MY GOD!"

"That patient is a bit much," said Lemon to her daughter.

Then the door was flung open and a small nervous patient escaped. Behind her was Dr. Annie. She was the one responsible for all the noise. "COME IN, COME IN!" she bellowed and all three got up. "What's this? Two-for-one day?! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Lemon's daughter was in and out pretty quickly, but Lemon's partner who we shall call V, was more nervous and beat about the bush. He was there for haemorrhoids, but found other things to talk about instead.

V: I have this thing on my finger...
DR: No doctor will treat you for that so long as you SMOKE! Ha ha ha!
V: Also something on my neck...
DR: Does it hurt?
V: No.
DR: COSMETIC! I don't do cosmetic! NEXT!
V: Also my legs hurt when I walk uphill.
DR: OLD AGE! HA HA HA! NEXT!

So eventually the subject came around to bums. Lemon told me that haemorrhoids can be really serious. I had no idea. About 10 years ago she had taken him to the doctor after he'd suffered with them for years. Apparently back then, Dr. Gonzo took a look, wrote a note and handed it to Lemon.

"You are to drive V directly to the hospital," he told her. "When you get there you hand them this note. Go STRAIGHT to the hospital. Do NOT stop for anything."

But Lemon thought, "Ach it's just piles". She did a bit of shopping, stopped off at her mum's, picked up some things for her children. Eventually she got to the hospital. The nurse turned grey when she read the note.

"This man needs a blood transfusion NOW," she told Lemon. Apparently he could have dropped dead of piles at any point.

What a thing to have on your tombstone: "DIED OF A PAIN IN THE ARSE".

So, ten years later, Lemon was taking no chances. "We are NOT going back to the hospital," she told Dr. Annie.

"That's fine," said Dr. Annie. "You don't want us up there and, trust me, I don't want to GO up there. Assume the position."

V indicated he might like some moral support behind the screen. But no, Lemon told me. There are limits. The good news is that Dr. Annie fixed him right up. Although I'm already regretting using the phrase, "right up".

Story #2 - What To Get Lisa For Her Birthday
Caro just got a text from Lisa. "Finally got persuaded to get a Brazilian by my beautician. She's great. Straight in there with no chat, and without getting all up in my business."

Caro raised an eyebrow. "I can't see how she could get any FURTHER into Lisa's business," she said. But she read on.

Text number two read, "It's all right although it feels a bit weird with the baldiness. Also I am pissing like a lawn sprinkler."

Caro texted back. "What would you like for your birthday?" 

Lisa replied, "That's all right, I don't need anything. Unless you'd like to send me some pubes."

So those are my two stories for the day. And you wonder why I didn't bother talking about rugby.

S.