Hello Darkness My Old Friend

Gallows Humour and Feeling Guilty

I woke up this morning and once I was awake enough to start thinking, the first thing I thought about was T and his situation.
I'm a relative newcomer to this family - I've not yet been seeing Anne for four years - and wondering about this growth in his chest is constant in my mind.
No idea what it must be like for Anne, her sister (T's wife), their ten year old son, and their mum.
Thinking of him kept coming and going. Maybe the shell shocked dislocated thoughts of the past few days have subsided - wondering why this is happening, trying not to think the worst - but it's still there.

T and J (Anne's sister) loaned Anne one of the cars to pick up their son from school, as T was off for another scan this afternoon. Anne mentioned how nippy the car is, how surprisingly nice the ride of such a small car was.
"Oi, I'm not gone yet, stop checking out the car!" was T's response. Gallows humour? Laughing in the face of adversity? Remaining stoic? All of these and more besides? Probably.

A few weeks ago I'd arranged to go and watch The Hobbit with a mate of mine this afternoon. We still went. I got lost in the film for a while, which is always the sign of a good movie for me. And then I remembered T and everything that's going on. I felt guilty for not thinking of the pain everyone is going through.

10.30am tomorrow morning is T's appointment with the specialist nurses at a hospital about ten miles away. There is another hospital closer, which is where he went for the scan today. Once the appointment with "specialist nurses" a bit further away was known about, well that's one of the reasons that alarm bells have already started going for everyone.

I've said enough for tonight; thanks for your supportiveness over the past few days, it's incredible. It's really helped.

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