Saturday

(backblip)
Today started like any other Saturday. 

I decided to climb Calton Hill as I was in town getting more coffee pods. Had a nice time up there, wandering, taking photos. The restaurant looks nice and the views are lovely. Walked down and back home. 

I wasn't home long when I started to struggle to breathe and my chest started thumping. I sat and tried to do the breathing exercises. The tears started and before I knew it I was in a full panic attack. I cut. 
Through tears and shaking I logged onto a mental health chat room I belong to. One member, J, who I chat to logged on and we tried to get through it together. I cut several more times, the feelings intensified then fell back. I couldn't sit still, I kept bouncing my legs, rocking back and forth and crying. Writing this now it sounds horrific, and it was but also quite soothing moving like that. 
This went on for 3 and a half hours. The longest one I've ever had. The chat with J really helped in that I wasn't doing it alone. As it began to abate, I decided I needed to sleep. I said thank you and bye to J and went off to bed. A really unsettled sleep and woke at 6.45am.