My view.

I'm in bed already, I'm struggling this week, it's approaching Alex's birthday (15th) he would have been 14. Every year is hard, obviously anytime of the year is but this time of the year, you have the same old songs playing, the same routine it's just a massive reminder of 14 years ago and I quite frankly struggle.

I wrote this on Saturday when I was having another bad day.

Alex 15th December 1998

They say it gets easier, what the fuck do they know. Every holiday, every Christmas, every birthday I imagine what it would be like to have you here where you belong. How many hugs we would have shared, movies we would have watched, dinners we would have eaten, watching you from the sidelines at the weekend, "see you later, be safe, be seen" exchanged each morning, the fights with Pru you would of undoubtedly had, the laughter we would have shared, the tears I'd have wiped away, the grazes I would have cleaned up, the fact that I never got to call your name and for you to answer, watching you grow into a man. I miss you baby each and every day, life with you in it would complete me.
Forever part of me
Mummy x x x x x x x x

This is my build up to Christmas every year.