the sun and doubts/hope

due to an enforced bedtime of 10.30 (ish) last night, i woke up at 7 am--an hour before my alarm clock. this turned out to be wonderful. i enjoyed a cup of coffee and early morning bathroom chat with flatmate sarah.

i walked outside, pretending to be in a hurry, and saw the sun (!!!!) blazing (?) across the sky. i immediately tuned around, walked back up the stairs, rummaged through my newly cleaned and therefore impossible to find anything room, grabbed my camera, and walked out again. ready for the day.

unfortunately, i was nauseous all throughout german class. my cheeks were flushed and the world was spinning. when we "pause machen" i consumed bread, water, and hot chocolate. i felt better afterwards.

the sun was in the sky all day. still cold, dont be fooled. but it was bright as ever with the freshly fallen snow.

it was a good day. i asked difficult questions and wrestled with creeping doubts. i had to remind myself of things i believed in. whether or not i always do these things, at least i believe in them. there was a long list, but most importantly: hope, love, grace, redemption, forgiveness, peace, and joy.

i asked difficult questions indeed. and i kept coming back to my favorite quote from my favorite book "brideshead revisited" by evelyn waugh:

"i should say my heart would break, if i believed in broken hearts."

nothing is beyond redemption. there is no cause for a lack of hope. no person and no thing. no situation or circumstance. no lot in life can break us. at least i believe that. all things are being redeemed. or rather, all things have the potential to be redeemed.

there is so much grace.

white as snow.


so this photo isnt great. but it captures where i live. that street there. to the right. thats me. this is my life. ill be too sad to leave it.