I'm sorry....

I've noticed something lately that I find interesting and mildly disturbing, something that might even prompt me to do a bit of an informal study of human behavior.

Most of you know I use tools to help me get around - because I have nerve damage in my legs and feet, I need a cane (for very short distances), a walker (for longer walks and for "crowd control") and an electric scooter (for outings longer than a few blocks). I'm not happy about being disabled, but I am delighted that I have these wonderful tools to help me get around. When I finally got a scooter I told everyone that I'd gotten my life back - without it I would likely be pretty much housebound. Living in a pedestrian-friendly neighborhood, I can get to just about anything I need to on my scooter: the grocery store, library, bank, restaurants, Powell's bookstore, coffeeshops, parks. I can take my sweet dog on long walks/scoots and go out Blip hunting.

Now here's something I've noticed: when I'm scooting up the sidewalk and, out of courtesy, let someone know I'm going to pass them, their response is almost always, "Oh, I'm sorry." Or coming off an elevator or through a door or down an aisle in the grocery store, if someone is coming the other way they will almost always say, "I'm sorry" - not "excuse me," but "I'm sorry" - as though they've done me some disservice, even though we're just passing by each other and making a little room as anyone else would do.

I realize it's a reaction, probably unconscious, to an unexpected event, and they're trying to be kind - but why say "I'm sorry?" Are you sorry because I'm disabled and you're not? Do you feel sorry for me? (please don't!) Do you just not know what to say? ("Hello" and a smile would be nice!)

I've observed in the past that women tend to say "I'm sorry" a great deal for having opinions or feelings or just for taking up space; it's one of my pet peeves. But this isn't just women; men are just as likely to say it.

I've been pondering what to say to people in response to this knee-jerk apology. Usually I say "No problem," as I scoot away. Sometimes I want to stop and ask why they've said "I'm sorry." My guess is they wouldn't have an answer. Maybe I should put a bumpersticker or sign on my scooter: No Apology Necessary, or just a circled I'm Sorry with a line through it.

I strive to be upbeat whilst in public, partly to put others at ease and partly because I'm really happy to be able to be out and about! I will often crack jokes about my situation. And for the record, I'm not one of those who has to do everything for myself, so an offer of help to reach something on a shelf or to open a door is always appreciated! (I have been known to play the D card occasionally to get special treatment, mea culpa.) But I'm also more than my disability. When you pass me on the street, remember that: I'm not just about the scooter or the walker or cane - I have joys and struggles and highs and lows just like you do. You're not in my way (unless you are!), there's no need to apologize for sharing space with me in an elevator or on the street.

If you're interested in my backstory and some of my discoveries about disability, I kept a blog for a while that details some of that, and more. As with most blogs, it starts with the most recent posts, so I'd suggest starting at the beginning. Scroll to the last post and work your way up. I will probably add a version of this post to it; I see I haven't posted anything for almost a year!