Shopping list

Earlier this year, when he realised we’d be having a meat-free Christmas, Mr Pandammonium had a minor apoplectic fit.

“But what will we eat?”

Amazon solved this problem for me by supplying me with a vegan Christmas recipe book. The recipes look great — there’s all sorts of meat-replacements in there. Even Mr Pandammonium is excited. But he’s not the one who has to shop for the ingredients or make them into actual food.

The trouble with the shopping is that you can’t just buy a turkey: you have to buy a list of ingredients as long as your arm; you can’t just buy pigs in blankets: you have to buy two lists of ingredients as long as your arm — one for the pigs and one for the blankets; you can’t just buy a selection of cheeses for the cheeseboard: you have to buy several lists of ingredients as long as your arm. Hence, my shopping list is three columns of A4 and spreads to the other side as well.

The trouble with the cooking is that instead of just bunging the turkey in the oven, you have to make the “turkey”; instead of just wrapping bits of bacon and sage leaves round little sausages, you have make the “bacon” and make the “sausages”; instead of just opening a few packets of cheese, you have to make the “cheese”.

If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen, kneading the turkey.

The extras are Mr Kipling mince pies for misswinterfinch’s benefit. The packaging is different and they seem to have changed the pattern on top, but they’re basically the same. And now misswinterfinch can see why people keep telling her they’re “exceedingly good cakes” and pies :)