Ugh

It was foul when I came out of work tonight.

Since my name came out the sorting hat for a course ... https://www.blipfoto.com/entry/2494984094958486842
I have had to submit a rather torturous application which, along with a colleague from the west and one from the east of the county, has been accepted. We only found out last week and since then it has been a hugely stressful process of sorting the very last minute practicalities, getting pre-course work done and being bombarded with further pre-course materials right up to the end of today, with seemingly no recognition of having a full workload to maintain at the same time. And the thing starts tomorrow. It has felt very stressful.
At least there’s train ride at 6am tomorrow...whoopee.
At the moment my feeling is angels on a pinhead.
I find the whole thing both daunting and stressful, partly because it is driven by the anxiety of that sense of perpetual motion that can pervade the work environment that can feel like a self serving monster that you feel compelled to go along with in order to stay in the game and cover your back, particularly when there is the background threat of change in the organisation structure. Maybe it will be okay when it’s underway.

The shadow of my nearly lost photo at the weekend has stayed unsettlingly with me.

- ee.cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)